Could you please rate this?
I have been writing a novella for quite some time now and would like somebody’s opinion on it. I know it is long, so you can just read the beginning but it is all there for people who want to read all of it:
Rosalie
His stormy grey eyes reflected the sun as he smiled warmly at me. I took his hand and his affectionate touch made my heart melt with a passion and desire far beyond my control. I turned, still intertwining our fingers, and guided Lucas into the meadow.
I watched him intently as he gazed around himself, absorbing every detail. I could hear the undisturbed melody of the birds in the trees that enclosed the meadow like a fence. I could see the brilliant blue of the sky and the contrasting green of the tangy grass below. I could smell the delicate fragrance of summer in the air, with a hint of vegetation. The wind was gentle; it tangled my hair and ruffled the grass that swayed around my feet.
I turned to Lucas to note his reaction. His footsteps were silent on the supple grass, compared to my clumsy foot falls. His eyes betrayed nothing as usual, but his eager smile told me all I needed to know. Lucas’ pale skin glowed in the buttery sunlight, it was almost luminescent.
We came to a stop in the exact centre of the meadow, our hands still locked together. I sat down first; in an awkward pose that I quickly changed to a casual kneel. He sank to the ground grace fully and stretched his legs out in front of him. “Come here,” he whispered softly. I crawled forward, his eyes never leaving mine. Was it the heat that was making me perspire slightly? I shrugged off my jacket and let down my hair, so that my curls fell about my face, cooling the back of my neck and my shoulders.
I snuggled into his chest with my back to him as he wrapped his arms around me. With my finger I traced the contours of his forearms that were around me in a warm embrace. My finger tip lightly trailed over the perfect muscles of his arm, which were slightly tensed while holding me close to his body. I could feel the heat radiating off him. He let out a long sigh and removed one his hands to fiddle with a straying tendril from my hair, I burrowed deeper into his muscular chest.
“What are you thinking about?” He whispered in my ear. I turned to meet his gaze and was startled by his eyes, watching me and suddenly intent. I sat up and stared deep into his tempestuous eyes, this was effortless as they eyes seemed to go on forever. I crossed my legs and faced him so that I could see his reaction to what I would say.
“Lucas,” I sighed.
“Mmm?” he replied encouragingly.
“Don’t you wish time would stand still so that we could share this moment forever? We would never have to leave.”
I was suddenly regretful that I had turned to face him as he could see me now. The words had come out in a jumble, sounding rushed and childish. A warm flush began to creep up my neck, colouring my cheeks in crimson as the immature words resounded in my head. I internally scolded myself for ruining the perfect moment. I looked to the ground and fiddled with a piece of grass so that he would not notice my red face.
Lucas edged closer to me and mirrored my crossed legs. He took my chin in his smooth, warm hand and gently lifted my face until it was level with his. “I feel the same way exactly,” he murmured, his velvet voice unintentionally seductive. “That this moment could last forever”
A solitary tear trickled down my cheek. I hadn’t even known I was crying until I felt the moisture against my skin and the salty taste at my lips. I reached up to my face to catch the tear, to find the reason for it. I knew deep down why I was crying but would not let that thought destroy this moment with Lucas. However hard I tried to keep that thought from appearing, it always did. Whether it was when I was safely tucked up in bed, where my tears could flow freely, or when I was with Lucas, like now. It was silly and childish, a pathetic reason to cry. But it was true and that was the reason for this tear. Because I loved him, and he would never love me back in the same way.
I closed my eyes quickly, to relieve myself the embarrassment of crying in front of Lucas.
I could sense that he was less than a few inches from my face, his warm breath tickling my skin. Instinctively, I leaned closer, inhaling deeply, grinning at the familiar scent, sweet, mouth-watering. No words to describe it. Lucas murmured quietly, saturating the air with the sweet fragrance of his breath, “Open your eyes, Rosie,” I opened my eyes slowly; startled to see Lucas’ face just inches from mine. He hesitated, breathing deeply, all the while my eyes never wandered from his tender gaze.
And then his warm, flawless lips were pressed softly against mine. His hand was at my hair, stroking it back from my face and then both of his hands were placed against my cheeks, warming the blood that was pulsing through my veins beneath. My hands went to his head, my trembling fingers knotting thr
Oh why do these scenes always take place in a meadow?
The male is so graceful, yet the girl is considering herself clumsy? Where have I heard that before? Is he a vampire too?
Nah I jest.
maybe for the right audience this would be a very good and even riveting read. i, however, found myself skimming through it. it didn’t capture my attention really at all. Some stories do, some stories don’t. it’s all my personal opinion.
Romance is quite a difficult thing to pull off I think. However, if you can do it well, it’ll go down well.
Don’t give up because people say bad things,
Colin Riley
You have a knack for writing. It is good. On a scale of one to ten,(ten being the best) I would say about a eight. good luck, I know writing is hard.
You have great potential and I like your writing style. It’s just that I personally wouldn’t read a book like this, since it’s not very original. Good luck!